.you. {{renegade}} .make.me.crazier.

[Aimless~!]

Looking out across the lake, Logan couldn’t help but think of how much had changed in such a short time. He never came out to the lake as much as he did now. It was the hope that at least one of two people would come back. One substantially more than the other, but either would be fine with him all the same. It was also a hope that he shouldn’t be holding on to so tightly. Logan thought, deep down, that hope was wasted on the young. But then he’d never had anything that was really worth hoping for. And he’d never had his heart this torn before either. He remembered when his wife died, and somehow this pain that he felt couldn’t amount to that. He didn’t understand it. Renegade wasn’t dead. She was just with the Devil’s Fire. That was all. Why would that be more painful than if she had died? Logan’s hand moved to touch the dog tags that hung around his neck but he stopped. He gave them to her. Damn it.

“That stupid kid…” he muttered, running a hand through his hair before letting it drop to rest in the grass he was sitting on. He had so many questions he needed answers to. Answers that even Professor X couldn’t find. And Logan knew he’d never find them on his own. He wasn’t allowed to go when the X-Men knew that the Devil’s Fire would be involved. Just like Pete couldn’t go when the Brotherhood was involved. Logan knew he would handle it better than Pete ever could… At least he tried to convince himself of that anyway. Deep down he knew Pete had a lot more control than he ever would have in his life time. Which was probably just about the saddest thing that he could ever admit to himself. But he didn’t care. Logan knew very well what he was feeling, but he couldn’t even bring himself to think of the “L” word, let alone say it out loud anymore.

That was probably the thing he missed the most. What he wouldn’t give for just one more chance to tell her that he loved her. That he would take a bullet for her. That he would give up what little was in his life to be with her. But it was crazy to think that he would ever get the chance again. It was as crazy as thinking he would be able to see her smile again if he stared long enough at the lake or that he could wrap his arms around her again. Logan sighed finally and stood up. He had a class to teach soon, and he had to try and get himself together before then. There was no time for him to think crazy. But the thought made the corner of his mouth turn up in a small smile. Renegade tended to do that to him. She just made him crazier than he already was.

WORDS 500
TAGS Ren Servinto
NOTES I got bored…

LAIKA OF GS!

[Ren Servinto]

754 Logan yay Ren post!

GIVE IT ONE MORE TRY TO A LULLABY and turn this up on the radio Renegade cursed herself under her breath for what was probably the one millionth time for the night. This was ridiculous. It was completely stupid and further more, she was being a pain about it! "Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!” she muttered under her breath sprinting soundlessly down the ally. That’s it. She was definitely going to call an asylum and charge herself. If Darren knew what she was doing… oh God, she wasn’t even going to think about that. Just in front of her she could see a high brick wall. It wasn’t too late, she could still turn back. But even as she thought it, some stronger part of her told her to keep going. Reaching the wall, she turned and flattened her back to it. She raised her eyes to the sky. She raised one hand and clutched the dog tags that hung from the chocker around her neck. ”This is so dumb, Ren… why are you even here?” she asked herself quietly before turning and looking up at the top of the wall. Glancing around, she found a plastic garbage can and a few crates stacked up against the wall of the building on the other side of the ally. Ren sighed. She ran forward, jumped onto the garbage can, and used the momentum to propel herself to the top of the crates. Her hands met the wood first, and her body bunched behind her as her feet barely touched the crate and she pushed toward the top of the wall. She landed lightly on all fours on concrete and looked at the grass on the other side. Ren sighed and hesitated. What exactly was she looking for? Hell, she didn’t even know. Maybe… just maybe… she was looking for death. That’s what awaited her in coming here. But her heart ached to be back at this place again. What was more, her heart ached for that one guy… but she was fairly sure he would never take her back… not now, and maybe never again. Even with that fleeting thought, the pain surged forth and gripped her heart. The rose tattooed on her left arm glowed a dull red and she slowly put her hand over it. Ren sighed and jumped to the nearest tree branch, swung down and landed silently on the ground. She stood slowly and started walking through the small forest. Around her neck the dog tags clinked together lightly. Renegade had tried numerous times to convince herself that she would never see him again and that she just needed to get over him. She knew she’d never love anyone as much as she did Logan. Darren yelled at her often for still wearing Wolverine’s dog tags, but she couldn’t bring herself to take them off. For her they held strength and pain. And she vowed that if she could never see Logan again then she would die wearing his dog-tags. It seemed very likely so far though; everyone in the X-Men had done a good job keeping Logan away from fights with the Devil’s Fire. She sighed again and kept walking. All she needed… all she wanted… was to tell Logan she loved him, and that she never wanted anything to turn out this way. ”Fuck fate,” she muttered under her breath acidly. Why did any of this have to happen? Breaking through some trees, Renegade found herself at the edge of the small lake. This was another place that held pain for her and the rose on her arm glowed dully again. She leaned against a tree to steady herself as a small tremor rushed through her spine. Logan had given her the dog tags here, right after she had told him flatly that she was going to get the cure. But that was almost three years ago now. Ren wiped the tears that had started to form from her eyes and looked up slowly to the lights of the school. How she longed to be back, safe in a room and right down the hall from Logan. A moving figure on the opposite side of the lake caught Ren’s sharp, grey eyes. Her breath suddenly caught in her throat and her knees buckled and gave out. She slumped against the tree and stared at Logan. ”Fuck fate…” she breathed again. A sudden surge of pain made her gasp and clutch her arm over the rose that was now glowing a brilliant red. She squeezed her eyes shut, hoping, praying, for the pain to end.

RICOCHET